Harry & Luna
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Rorschach's Blot - Larceny, Lechery, and Luna Lovegood!
Chapter 58 - Honesty and
Disclaimer: Be careful when making conversions.
Honesty and . . .
"Afraid I can't do anything about this thing Shack," the other Auror said slowly.
"Why the hell not?"
"This was done by the Fox and the Hound," the other Auror explained. "You'll need Potter's help on this one."
"I was afraid that you were going to say that . . . anyone else that might be able to deal with this?"
"Damn . . . there goes this month's paycheck."
"Yeah . . . by the way, were you aware that you had the word 'moron' written on your forehead?"
"Yeah," he sighed. "Another gift from the Fox and the Hound."
"I appreciate the way you behaved earlier Luna," Hermione said with a happy smile. The two girls were busy making Harry's dinner.
"I said I would didn't I?"
"Then I appreciate the way you were honest with me," Hermione corrected herself. "I really do."
"Of course I've been honest with you Hermione," Luna said quickly. "Father always said that the two most important things in a relationship were honesty."
"You said the two most important things were honesty and you didn't say what the other thing was," Hermione said. She couldn't believe she was encouraging Luna.
"Kinky sex of course," Luna replied. "Something I'll note has been conspicuously absent from our relationship."
"Kinky sex?" Hermione asked weakly.
"Of course," Luna agreed. "Everyone knows that."
"So when are we gonna . . ."
"I don't know Luna," Hermione interrupted. She turned to look at the two owls that had just flown in with packages. "They're for Harry, could you watch the food while I deliver these?"
"Ok Hermione," Luna agreed. "Who are the packages from?"
"Well . . ."
"Did you send those birthday presents to Harry for me?"
"One from you and one from your alter ego," Gretchen agreed.
"Did you remember to send the right gift from the right person?"
"I think so," Gretchen said slowly.
"Harry you got a presant from Ron," Hermione said with a smile. "And another from the Dark Lord Jeremy."
"What'd they send me?"
"Well . . . huh?"
"What is it?"
"The Dark Lord Jeremy sent you a book on the Cannons and their most popular plays."
"Kinda odd that he'd send me that."
"So what'd Ron send?"
"He sent . . . a magical sex manual," Hermione said dully. "With moving illustrations . . . um . . . chapter three is . . . I can't believe Ron sent this?"
"It's a bloke joke," Harry explained. "He's just having a bit of fun with me, probably turn as red as his hair if he knew you got a look at it."
"Yeah," Hermione laughed. "Think I should mention it to him?"
"To hell with it," Ron said with a shrug. "He got them both and that's all that matters."
"Yes master," Gretchen agreed.
"Are you going to reward me master?"
"All night long," Ron said with a smirk.
"Oh thank you master," Gretchen cheered.
"Wait, did you say your name was Shacklebolt?" The goblin asked nervously. "The same Auror Shacklebolt that kept Harry Potter out on a stakeout all night in the rain?"
"It was an accident," Kingsley protested.
"I'm afraid that all our cursbreakers are busy," the goblin said quickly. "Perhaps we'll be able to work something out in six or so months."
"But . . ."
"Good day then."
"What am I supposed to do now?"
"I could care less."
"You're sure all your cursebreakers are busy?"
"I'm sure the senior partners would be unamused if I helped the man that made Harry Potter unavailable to take the jobs we contracted for him," the goblin replied. "I'm also sure that I don't want Potter's girl angry at me. Good day to you."
"So what am I supposed to do?"
"Ask Potter if he can take care of it for you," The goblin said with an unconcerned shrug. "By the way, were you aware that you had the word . . ."
"Yes," Kingsley growled.
"Care for a game of chess Elizabeth?" Ron asked holding up a board.
"Ok master," she agreed quickly. They played for a few minutes before a happy idea forced its way into her head. "Oops, how could I be so careless?" She lamented in as genuine a tone of regret as she could.
"King takes Queen".
"Oh yes! Yes! Yes, my Lord!", replied Dark Bunny Elizabeth screamed as she pounced on him.
"But . . . why don't we finish the game later," he suggested with a leer.
"That's it," Hermione said in a soothing tone. "Eat it all up."
"I umph," Harry almost gagged as Luna forced another spoonful into his mouth.
"It'll make you feel better again," Luna agreed.
"I'll be right back," Hermione offered when they all heard a knock on the front door. "Ok?"
"Ok Hermione," Luna agreed.
Hermione walked to the door and opened with a smile. "Good evening Auror Shacklebolt," she said flatly. "What can I do for you?"
"I was hoping that Harry could remove the mark on my forehead," Kingsley replied. "And another in my apartment."
"I'm sorry," Hermione said primly. "But I'm afraid that Harry is much too sick to take a look at it right now. Perhaps you could think of that before you decide to keep him out in the rain all night."
"Couldn't you look at it then?"
"Harry's the expert not me," Hermione replied. "And besides, I'm far too busy nursing him back to help."
"I see," he sighed. "Then would it be possible to speak with Harry for a bit?"
"I don't think he's up to having visitors right now," Hermione said as she began to close the door.
"I just want to apologize," Kingsley said quickly. The door froze and he took that as his cue to state his case. "I didn't know he was out there all night, it was all because of miscommunication. I just wanted to tell Harry how much I sincerely regretted what happened and offer to make amends."
"Well . . . ok," Hermione agreed slowly. "But you'd better not excite him."
"I promise," Kingsley said quickly.
"This way," Hermione said as she led him to the bed room where Harry was convalescing.
"Harry, I just came to . . ." Kingsley froze at the sight of Luna in her nurse's uniform. "You lucky bastard," he whispered in envy.
"Open wide," Luna said as she shoved another spoon full of Hermione's soup into his mouth.
"Hey Shack," Harry greeted the man. "Did you know you had the word . . ."
"Yes," Kingsley agreed. "I was hoping you could remove it . . . after you're well of course," he added quickly at Hermione's growl.
"I can get it now if you like." Harry grabbed his wand and gave it a lazy wave. "Anything else you need?"
"Later," Kingsley said with a grin. "Got another in my apartment floating over my bed. Well, just came to apologize for the trouble you went through for the department."
"Don't worry about it," Harry said with a yawn. "It's nothing."
"Then if you'll excuse me, I really must be going." Kingsley said as he backed out of the room and away from the two girls that kept shooting him glares every time Harry wasn't focused on them.
"Why don't I show you the way out," Hermione suggested with false cheer.
Hermione frog marched the Auror out of her house and slammed the door behind him. "And that's that," she said as she dusted off her hands. She was just about to rejoin her friends in the bedroom when she heard another knock on the door. "What do you want now?" She demanded as she flung it open. "Mum?"
"Door to door salesman?" The older woman asked with a smirk.
"Something like that," Hermione agreed. "What are you doing here mum?"
"Just came to drop off a few things," she replied. "And I thought I'd help you with that soup."
"But I already made some mum," Hermione said proudly. "Come look."
"Hmmm." She gave the substance a critical look before dipping in a spoon to take a taste. "You've been feeding this to Harry then?"
"Did you try it before you gave it to him?"
"Umm." Hermione took a taste of her own and almost gagged.
"Bit too much salt," her mother mused. "How much of that stuff did you feed him?"
"Most of the pot," Hermione said weakly.
"Why good," Hermione said with a downcast look.
"Because he didn't complain," her mother explained. "He either likes salty things or he didn't want to hurt your feelings."
"If he'd have just said something," Hermione sighed. "I wouldn't have fed him so much of that horrible soup."
"Come on," her mother said. "Let's try it again."
"Ok mum," Hermione agreed.
"Hermione?" She asked holding up the recipe.
"Is this the recipe I gave you?"
"It is mum," Hermione agreed. "Why?"
"Because I made a mistake here," Jill Granger replied. "Explains why it's so salty."
"Never did get the hang of converting to the metric system," she admitted with a blush. "It was supposed to be 15 ml which is one Tsp, I wrote 15 tsp. Sorry about that dear."
"It's ok mum."
"If you ever make this mistake again, just add rice. That'll neutralise the salt and it'll go with the soup."
"Thanks mum." They spent the next hour remaking the soup and this time Hermione was careful to taste it first. Happily pouring a bowl, she skipped into the bedroom to give it to Harry.
"Hey Hermione," Harry greeted her.
"Here you are Harry," Hermione said proudly. "Try it."
"So I'm allowed to feed myself now?" He asked with a smirk. "It's good, thanks."
"Better then the last one anyway. You should have told me it was so bad."
"Might have been a bit salty," Harry admitted. "But it wasn't that bad."
"Thank you Harry." She leaned down and kissed him on the cheek. "I'm glad you're feeling better." Blushing, she backed out of the room and ran into her mother.
"So tell me," her mother began with a wicked grin. "How'd your plans go?"
"Um . . ."
"The first night he didn't come home," Hermione began. "And the second was perfect . . . until he fell asleep."
"I told you that was normal," Jill giggled.
"I'm sorry honey."
"Maybe you're over thinking it," she mused. "Try to be more spontaneous. You can't wait for the perfect moment forever."
"And if all else fails, lock the door, unplug the phone, tie him down, and forget about the world for a week."
AN: The ongoing list of people that contributed to this fic without whom, it would not have been nearly as good . . . one might go so far as to say it would be quite bad: nonjon, Ed Becerra, ausfinbar, David Wangen, , dogbertcarroll, hattenjc, the caitiff, AlanP, Lone Wolf, meteoricshipyards, Shawn Pickett, Morris Rague, luinlothana, Treck, Drake, David Brown, Moshehim, Arthur Hansen, Marneus Calgar, Goblin214, Chris LeBron, khadon99, Shawn Pickett, tekobaka, Freddie, Musings of Apathy, Brian Arcis, Fenris, Pelel, and everyone else on my yahoo group. They gave me scenes, ideas, and all sorts of other things. Tell me if I missed you so I can add to this list. Another thanks goes to meteoricshipyards who wrote the majority of the continuing adventures of the tentacle monster as well as several others. Anything I wrote on that sub plot was fairly minor so kudos. And still another goes to who wrote a large number of scenes. Yet another goes to The Resident who was good enough to do a bit of editing and caught several of my mistakes.