Harry & Luna
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Rorschach's Blot - Larceny, Lechery, and Luna Lovegood!
Chapter 49 - She's my Cherry Pie
Disclaimer: What did you expect? I had to use it, just had to.
She's my Cherry Pie
Wake up, girls," Harry said gently. "It's time to go."
"Mm'ok Harry," Hermione agreed. "Come on, Luna."
"Ok, Hermione," the sleepy blond agreed. "Could you give me a hand, Harry?"
"Me, too," Hermione demanded. "Help us up."
Harry pulled the two girls to their feet and tried not to watch as they got dressed. "Ready?"
"Ready, Harry," Hermione confirmed.
"Let's go then," Harry suggested. "You got Neville's gift, Luna?"
"Right here," Luna agreed. "A toad care and grooming kit."
"And I've got Neville's presents in this bag," Hermione said. "You know, the ones we discussed?"
"Let's go then." They walked to the fireplace and threw in a handful of floo. "I hate travelling this way," Harry groaned before stepping into the flames.
They arrived in a carpeted room with mahogany trim and a smiling Neville. "Glad you three could make it," Neville said cheerfully.
"Here Neville." Luna handed her gift over. "I wrapped it in an issue of the Quibbler so it's like getting two gifts in one."
"Thanks Luna," Neville said warmly.
"We got you something, too," Hermione said as she handed Neville a large box. "And something else in case you didn't like the first gift."
"I'm sure it'll be fine," Neville assured them.
"Open them," Luna chirped.
"Alright," he agreed. Neville carefully unwrapped the package. "Thanks Luna, I've been needing one of these. Trevor will love it."
"You have a toad?" Luna asked in shock. "I never knew."
"Moving right along," Hermione said firmly. "Why don't you open our gift now?"
"It's the… Lestrange signet ring?" He said with a hopeful grin on his face. "Harry you didn't?"
"There are also the Lestrange family spells in there," Harry said. "And the ring carries with it the Lestrange seat on the Wizengamot."
"All except Bellatrix," Harry said. "She's locked up somewhere she can't hurt anyone again."
"It was part of the deal to get the other two," Hermione said quickly. "I'm sorry Neville."
"With her sister," Harry said slowly. "We let them back in the family in exchange for the Lestrange brothers and the assets of the Lestrange and Malfoy families."
"You're a Black then?"
"Head of the family."
"I see." Neville took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I… I can accept that Harry, I'm not sure if my Gran can though."
"I can," the woman announced her presence. "Mr. Potter acted as he position demanded. It was his responsibility to rein in a member of his family and he did so. The fact that he destroyed the Lestrange family and handed it over to us clears away any debts. Than you, Mr. Potter."
"It was my pleasure ma'am," Harry said uncomfortably. "If it helps… Bellatrix isn't quite right in the head. Mentally she's a child, granted an extremely dangerous child. But after everything that happened to her, the Crucios, the time in Azkaban."
"I understand," Neville sighed.
The conversation cut off when the fireplace flared to admit the next guest. "Hey mate," Seamus said. "How ya doin?"
"Great Seamus, how are you?"
"Heard you were dating Daphne Greengrass?" Seamus said. "Way to go mate, she's a fox."
"That she is," Neville agreed. "My fox."
"Where is she?" Luna asked.
"She's all tied up at the moment," Neville said smugly. "She'll be here later."
"Here you are, mate." He handed Neville a bottle. "Oi got it from me cousin. He runs a pub just north of Belfast. Drink it in good health."
"Thank you, Seamus."
"Any time, mate."
The next guest to arrive was Ron, flanked by his two top minions. "He Nev, got something for you… well, you and Daphne."
"Mostly for Daphne," Gretchen said with a happy smile.
"Lucky girl," Elizabeth agreed.
"Here you go, Nev, I got permission." He handed over a roll of Parchment. "I think Daphne would be VERY grateful if you learnt these spells. Just don't go sharing them, they are Weasley family spells you know."
Neville took a few minutes to go over the scroll and he blushed a deep red. "Thank you mate… this means a lot to me."
"You'd do the same for me, mate," Ron waved it off. "What're friends for?"
The fireplace flared again to admit a nervous and shaking Dean. "H… hi Neville… how ya doing?"
"Didn't think you were coming," Neville said with a pleased grin. "Good to see you again."
"Yeah, my therapist says that I need to learn to face my fear before I can overcome it."
"Dean," Neville's Gran said happily. "You came?"
"You know him?"
"We shared a rather… passionate afternoon a few weeks ago," she said with a happy smile. "It was simply wonderful."
"Don't tell me you?" Neville said with a look of dawning horror.
"It was all the Dark Wizard Jeremy's fault," Dean cried.
"Wasn't me, mate," Ron whispered into his minion's ear. "I wouldn't do something like that."
"You… you shagged my GRANDMOTHER? YOU SICKO!"
"It just happened."
"I CAN'T . . . YOU SLEPT WITH MY GRANDMOTHER!"
"It's perfectly fine dear. I'm sure the young man is an educated young Gentleman; he knows the old laws for situations like this. We shall be married before school returns."
"YOU HAD SEX WITH MY GRANDMOTHER AND NOW YOU ARE GOING TO MARRY HER?"
"Dear Lord, please strike me dead that I may go to hell and suffer eternally, for nothing could make living here worse."
"So when do you wish to have the wedding dear?"
"I can't deal with this," Dean cried. "It's too much pressure." With that, a screaming Dean fled the room.
"Easy come, easy go," Augusta sighed. "Why don't you retrieve Daphne so that this party can get started in earnest."
"Yes Gran," Neville agreed dutifully.
"You know," Harry whispered to his girls. "If I'd known birthdays were like this in the magic world, then I'd have never felt bad about never getting one."
"I'm fairly sure this isn't normal, Harry," Hermione said dryly.
"Yeah," Luna agreed. "Usually someone doesn't sleep with your grandmum until after they'd been drinking for a while. Sleeping with her before the party is almost unheard of."
"People sleep with your grandmother at your birthday?" Hermione asked incredulously.
"Not my grandmum," Luna said firmly. "Grampy wouldn't like that."
"Never mind, Luna."
They looked up when they saw one of Ron's companions walking towards them. "Hello," Harry said.
"Hello, Harry right?"
"I'm Gretchen," the girl said cheerfully. "Mind if we borrow your girls for some girl talk?"
In response, Harry just looked towards Hermione and Luna.
"We'd love to," Hermione said warmly. "Wouldn't we, Luna?"
"Oh my yes," Luna agreed. The girls drifted off into a corner and began giggling loudly and Harry wandered over towards Ron.
"Hey mate," Ron said with a grin. "How's your summer?"
"Eventful," Ron replied. "Very eventful." Ron nodded towards the door indicating the return of Neville accompanied by his girlfriend. "Did you know Neville was dating Daphne?"
"Hadn't heard that one," Harry replied. "They look happy though."
"They are," Ron assured him. "Over here Nev."
Neville gave Daphne one last kiss before coming over to join them. "Thanks again for the spells Ron, Daphne thanks you, too."
"No problem, mate."
"So what do you think the girls are talking about?"
Gretchen and Elizabeth had just finished telling the other girls exactly how much pleasure Ron could and did give them when Daphne walked up.
"What about you Daphne?" Gretchen asked.
"Well." Daphne rubbed the rope burns on her wrists with a happy smile. "Let's just say that he knows exactly what I like, and how to give it to me. I was lucky to find a guy like Neville, very, very lucky."
"Good for you, Daphne," Hermione said happily. "You know, I was always worried that Neville would be too shy to find someone. Especially someone like you."
"What do you mean by that?"
"Well, you're intelligent, confident, beautiful, and you have the reputation of being the Slytherin Ice Princess."
"Neville thawed me," Daphne said in a husky voice. "It just took a lot of skin contact."
"Best thing to treat cold injuries," Luna piped in.
"Exactly," Daphne agreed with a smug grin.
"That's just it," Hermione said. "I'm proud of Neville."
"I am too," Daphne said with a sultry grin. "Very proud and very, very pleased." Daphne shivered in delectation for a few seconds before dragging herself back to the present. "So tell us Hermione, how's Harry?"
"You know, how is he?" Gretchen prompted. "We told you."
The other girls leaned forward in anticipation. "We haven't… that is… uh…" The blushing Hermione stammered.
It was a measure of his distraught. Dean, as a result of meeting one of the women that haunted his darkest and most horrible nightmares, ran away from the fireplace… away from his way out. He didn't calm down until he was thoroughly lost in the sprawling Longbottom complex.
"It's ok," Dean said to himself. "I'll be ok… I've just got to find a place to hide for a little while. I've just got to stay calm and think things over." Dean crept through an unused room and into a closet at the back.
"S'bloody room fulla quilts," he said in relief. "Nothing can hurt with me, no one will find me. I just have to wait here for a bit and make my escape when things have cooled off."
"See you later Neville, Ron." Harry said.
"Bye Gretchen," Luna said cheerfully. "It was nice meeting you and Elizabeth."
"Bye Luna." They all bade their farewells and watched as Harry and his girls disappeared into the floo network.
"What's got you so pensive, Gretchen?" Ron asked with a worried frown. "Is everything ok?"
"It's your friends, master," Gretchen sobbed. "It's horrible."
"What is it?" Ron demanded.
"They haven't… they haven't."
"They're sleeping together," Daphne interjected. "But they're not SLEEPING together."
"Oh… is that all."
"Is that all master?" Gretchen gasped. "It can't be healthy, they might explode or something if this isn't taken care of."
"Think how pent up we get after an hour away from you," Elizabeth whispered into his ear. "Now imagine an hour with us without any… benefits."
"I'm sure they're just late bloomers," Daphne interjected calmly.
"All except Luna," Gretchen said firmly. "Girl's got her head on straight."
"Luna's got a her head on straight?" Ron tried to wrap his mind around the concept.
"That's what I was just thinking master," Gretchen agreed with a pleased smile.
"Maybe he's gay," Elizabeth mused. "I mean, he's living with one attractive witch and he's got another that's ready and willing."
"Harry's the kind of guy who'll take things slow," Ron said calmly. "He's probably just afraid that he'll push Hermione away if he pushes too hard."
"But he's not pushing at all, master," Gretchen protested.
"We have to help them," Elizabeth agreed.
"Fine," Ron sighed.
"Speaking of pushing." Daphne gave Neville the LOOK.
"I just remembered something I need to be doing," Neville said with a happy grin. "Later Ron."
Harry, Hermione, and Luna were shopping in a non-magical bookstore. Luna had immediately gravitated towards the zoology section and Hermione had reluctantly followed to keep the other girl out of trouble.
"Hermione look," Luna said. The girl was bouncing in excitement. "Look, look, look."
"What am I looking at?" Hermione asked.
"This, do you know what this is?" Luna was glowing.
"It says here that it's a horned lizard," Hermione said slowly. "Commonly called a horned toad."
"The horns," Luna said happily. "Look at them."
"What about them?"
"Don't they look a bit… crumpled?"
"Father will be so happy when he finds out. To think, we were looking in the wrong place. The Crumple Horned Snorkack wasn't in Sweden, it was in America the whole time."
"Luna that's not…"
"Let her go," Harry whispered into her ear. "She's happy and there's nothing wrong with giving something a new common name."
"Harry." Hermione opened her mouth to speak and closed it. "You're right." She raised her voice. "Good job, Luna."
"Thank you, Hermione," Luna said. "I owe it all to you, if you hadn't taken me to this muggle bookstore then I might have never found proof that the Crumple Horned Snorkack existed."
"I'm happy for you, Luna," she replied honestly.
Harry gave his friend a hug and walked to the counter. "How much for all of them?"
"All of what sir?"
"One copy of every book," Harry replied. "All the reference books anyway."
"Sir it would…" the clerk froze when Harry slid an ebony credit card across the table. "Just put it on that."
"Could I arrange to have them boxed up?"
"I'll have to talk to my manager…"
"Good," Harry said. "Tell him that I need them delivered to the bank down the street or it's no sale. Boxes aren't required but would make things easier."
"I'll… I'll be right back sir."
The clerk returned a few moments later with an older woman. "It should be doable Mr. Potter," the manager said quickly.
"Called the bank did you?"
"We did," the manager confirmed. "And we can have the books delivered right away if you wish."
"I do," Harry agreed. "Excuse me." Harry walked back to the girls. "Ready to go?"
"Just let me ring up these books," Hermione said absently.
"Just put them on the counter," Harry said. "I've arranged to have everything delivered."
"To the bank," Harry explained. "We can pick it up from there."
"Thank you Harry," Hermione said with a pleased smile. She had such a thoughtful boyfriend. "Should we go get something to eat now?"
"Fine," he agreed. "Any preferences?"
"Fish and chips maybe," Hermione said slowly. "Sound good Luna?"
"Sounds exotic," Luna chirped. "Is it a muggle thing?"
"I guess so," Hermione agreed with a shrug. "I never saw it at Hogwarts."
Dean woke up with a start. "Must have fallen asleep… well, the coast should be clear by now." Dean slowly turned the handle and crept into the adjoining room.
"Why look who's decided to join us girls," Augusta said with a sultry smile.
"No," Dean whispered. Before him was Neville's Gran and her bridge club. "No… NOOOOOOOOOOO!"
"Lock the door," Augusta said firmly. "I told you I'd provide the entertainment."
"That you did," one of her friends agreed with a sultry grin.
"This is delicious, Hermione," Luna said happily. "And it's wonderful the way they wrap it in a newspaper."
"Glad you like it."
"I simply must inform father of this discovery," Luna mused. "He'll be ever so pleased to learn that there's another use for the Quibbler."
Hermione opened her mouth to give a reply and then closed it abruptly. "Good for you Luna," she finally said.
Harry watched the girls interact with a sense of detached amusement. If one were to ask him, he would honestly say that he was pleased that they were getting along so well. He'd initially been a bit worried that they'd clash over the odd creatures that Luna's father wrote about. Hermione insisting that they didn't exist and Luna being just as insistent that they did. Before he knew it, the girls had finished their conversation and were looking at him expectantly.
"Well?" Hermione demanded.
"I'm sorry, I didn't hear you. I was lost in thought."
"I said, Let's get ice cream before we go home," Hermione suggested. "There's a shop right over there."
"I've never had muggle ice cream," Luna pleaded. "Please Harry?"
"All right." Harry helped the girls out of their seats and got to his feet. "Shall we go?"
The group walked across to the ice cream shop and up to the counter.
"Do you have any preferences Luna?" Hermione asked.
"No," Luna replied. "What do you like?"
"Why don't we get a Sundae?" Hermione suggested. "With strawberry, vanilla, and chocolate. All covered in whipped cream and hot fudge with a cherry on the top."
"Ok," Luna agreed.
"One for me, too," Harry said.
"It's settled then," Hermione said with a satisfied smile. "Harry, you order for us while we get a table."
"Why can't you order while I get a table?"
"Because you have all the money," Hermione said reasonably.
"Come on, Luna." Hermione grabbed the other girl by the hand and dragged her to a table.
Luna bushed when Hermione took her by the hand and refused to let go of it after they sat. "It will protect us from… um… table monsters," Luna explained confidently.
"You just made that up," Hermione accused.
"I'm sure that I did not."
"Will we be safe when our ice cream arrives?"
"We should be," Luna agreed. "At least until we finish."
"Uh huh." Hermione gave Luna a suspicious look and got an innocent one in return.
Harry walked up to the table and set a bowl in front of each of the girls. "Eat up."
"What was this called again Hermione?"
"A Sundae," Hermione replied.
"Oh." Luna plucked the cherry off the top and put it beside the one in Harry's bowl. "I want to give you my cherry Harry."
Hermione frowned before replicating Luna's action. "I want you to have mine too Harry, but I'm taking yours." She turned and gave Luna a firm look. "Understand?"
"Of course Hermione," Luna agreed. "I would never dispute that, you're first. I just want to be next."
"We'll talk about it later," Hermione said firmly.
"Ok Hermione." Luna was pleased that her request hadn't been rejected out of hand.
Harry frowned as he listened to the conversation. He was sure that the girls had just decided something, but for the life of him he couldn't figure out what.
AN: The ongoing list of people that contributed to this fic without whom, it would not have been nearly as good . . . one might go so far as to say it would be quite bad: nonjon, Ed Becerra, ausfinbar, David Wangen, , dogbertcarroll, hattenjc, the caitiff, AlanP, Lone Wolf, meteoricshipyards, Shawn Pickett, Morris Rague, luinlothana, Treck, Drake, David Brown, Moshehim, Arthur Hansen, Marneus Calgar, Goblin214, Chris LeBron, khadon99, Shawn Pickett, tekobaka, Freddie, Musings of Apathy, Brian Arcis, and everyone else on my yahoo group. They gave me scenes, ideas, and all sorts of other things. Tell me if I missed you so I can add to this list. Another thanks goes to meteoricshipyards who wrote the majority of the continuing adventures of the tentacle monster as well as several others. Anything I wrote on that sub plot was fairly minor so kudos. And still another goes to who wrote a large number of scenes. Yet another goes to The Resident who was good enough to do a bit of editing and caught several of my mistakes.